Don't Mess With Mandalorian's
by Rikki Rray
Summary: YAHF. What would happen if the soldier costume that Xander wore at Halloween was a little bit, different?
1. Mandalorian's

**Don't Mess With Mandalorians**

I own nothing, if I owned anything I wouldn't be driving for a living. Joss Whedon owns Buffy, George Lucas owns Star Wars, and Ordo and Fi belong to Karen Traviss. So there!

Jesse didn't die in season 1, Dawn isn't, and won't be the Key, and is 1 year younger than Buffy.

**Halloween '97**

"Xander, Jesse, c'mon we can go as a group. Buffy's got this great idea..." babbled Willow. Xander and Jesse just looked at one another, they'd seen the girls looking all gooey eyed over some of the drawings in the old Watcher's Diaries.

"Na, we've got ours sorted, haven't we bro?" said Jesse, elbowing Xander lightly in the ribs as they entered the new costume shop, 'Ethan's'. "Whoa! Look at that, and it's affordable too!" breathed Jesse, looking on in awe at the Clone Trooper costume from the Star Wars video game.

"Maybe for you, but I'm not exactly flush at the moment" replied Xander morosely.

"Maybe I can help with that," a voice from behind them said, making both young men jump.

"Don't DO that man, nearly gave me a heart attack," muttered Xander under his breath.

"I am sure that on this night I can accommodate you both with your costumes for a reasonable price, for I am Ethan, and this is my store," said the stranger who had made both male Scoobies jump so badly.

15 minutes later, Xander and Jesse both had clone trooper costumes, Buffy was the proud owner of an 18th century gown, Willow had a brand new 'Boo', Dawn was clutching a lightsabre, and Ethan was congratulating himself on the sheer amount of chaos he was going to cause when he dedicated his spell to Janus.

24 hours and many supplications to Janus later, the younger inhabitants of Sunnydale learned to be careful of what they wished for.

Show time!

"_Fierfek! _Where are we? Captain Ordo?" The possessed Jesse started towards who he thought was

Null ARC Trooper Captain N-11 Ordo, but was actually his possessed best friend, Xander, who in turn, believed that Jesse was Republic Commando RC-8015 Fi. "I don't recognize where we are, we've lost the General and the rest of the squad, sir," began Fi/Jesse, giving a sitrep, when all of a sudden they heard.

"Xander! Jesse! Oh thank god you're OK! Have you seen Buffy?" Both commando and ARC Trooper spun round, weapons at the ready, only to stop and see the image of a ghostly girl wearing a short leather shirt and a low cut top. "Whoa! Change of costume, where's Dawnnie?" said the ghost. At that point, a disheveled looking jedi walked up.

"Captain, local star systems are unrecognizable, and the life forms seem to be...strange," said the jedi calmly.

"Not you too Dawnnie?" groaned Willow. "OK, you're Dawn Summers, not some Jedi wannabe, and you two are Xander Harris and Jesse McNally. We dressed up for Halloween, and somehow we've turned into our costumes. Oh my god, where's Buffy?" This last part turned the look of frustration that was on Willow's face into one of fear. At that point, they all heard a scream, and the lightsabre in Dawn's hand ignited into a pillar of blue light.

"Captain, please locate the originator of that scream," said the jedi calmly, far too calmly in Willow's opinion. At that Fi/Jesse swung round to cover Ordo/Xander's approach. They followed the direction of the jedi general, and found a terrified girl in an overly ornate gown, who started to shriek about demons as soon as she saw the trooper/commando armor, in addition to the cars that were driving by.

This situation further deteriorated with the appearance of Spike, and several other vampires and demons.

"General, we need to fall back," snapped Ordo/Xander as he opened fire, the girl that they had rescued huddled between himself and Fi/Jesse, who had also opened fire in the opposite direction.

"Wait, we need to hold, General Secura is on her way," at that moment, what looked like a Twi'leki jedi, used a force somersault to jump over the mass of approaching demons. "Now we can go."

At that the two jedi generals, otherwise known as Cordelia Chase and Dawn Summers, started to guard the retreat of the five of them as Fi/Jesse hauled the hysterical Buffy to her feet.

As all of this was going on, Willow had made her way to the Sunnydale High School library, in the process nearly scaring Giles into an early grave as she walked through a wall. After a few minutes of questioning, and a startled look when he learnt the name of the shop from where the costumes came, Giles and Willow left the library.

It took another 15 minutes to find Ethan Rayne and end the spell, during which time, Dawn, Cordelia, Xander and Jesse called more and more upon the spirits of the characters that they had been possessed by.

As the spell ended, and Xander shot the last demon through the neck, in a decapitating shot, he took his helmet off.

Jesse then walked up to him and said, "now what _ner vod_?"

"We teach them an important lesson, _vodika_. _Ke nu'jurkadir sha Mando'ade_," replied Xander with a smile.

By some twist of fate, and the Hellmouth, maybe even Janus saying sorry, their memories, abilities, and also their weapons stayed as well.

Things would definitely be interesting come morning at Sunnydale High.

_Fierfek_: battlefield oath used by clones.(Comes from Star Wars Republic Commando X-Box game)

_Ke nu'jurkadir sha Mando'ade -_ _Mando'a: _don't mess with Mandalorian's

_Mando'a_: Mandalorian-language term for the language itself

_ner -_ _Mando'a_: my

_vod _(s.); _vode_ (pl.); _vodika_ (affectionate) _Mando'a: _brother, sister, comrade, mate

(Glossary taken from Karen Traviss' book Star Wars Republic Commando Triple Zero. Brilliant book, highly recommended!)


	2. Aftermath

**Aftermath**

Still own nothing. Joss Whedon owns Buffy, George Lucas owns Star Wars, Karen Traviss owns Ordo and Fi and Micheal Reaves and Steve Perry own Barriss Offee.

**1st November '97**

_Xander_

I spent all night going over my memories, both of what happened last night, and what I seem to have inherited thanks to that guy who sold me that damn costume. The good people of Sunnydale will repress what happened last night, god knows they've repressed every other weird thing thats happened, including anything thats ever gone down at the Bronze, and thats a good half of the weird things that have gone down in Sunnydale over the years

But the memories! I now have clear memories of covert ops, black ops, operations in space, on planets that if I told people about, they'd try to have me committed faster than I could blink, or Willow could babble for that matter. It's mind blowing, and I've got to cope with it. At least I'm not alone. I've got Jesse, my brother in all but blood. Its actually quite ironic, of all the Null ARC's and Omega commandos for us to get possessed by, we get possessed by the two that are friends with one another, outside of the brother/clone bond that I can still feel from last night, and this is over and above the obvious affection that existed between us beforehand.

I'm heading over to Jesse's now, but now I've got to put up a front of Xanderism's for my family, not that my dad will pay that much attention. It makes me miss Kal_buir_ even more. I know that the memories are not real, but they feel it, so I'm just gonna go with it, but before I leave, I've got to find a safe place to put my guns. Can't have dad finding them, God only knows what he'd do with them.

_Jesse_

It seems like a dream now, not knowing what real battle was really like. I know in my heart, that I'm not Fi, and I haven't fought in the battles that he did, but try telling that to my head. I woke up screaming from the memories of the Battle of Geonosis, when he lost his original brothers, before he met Omega squad. I then had to put up with my dad screaming at me to shut my face. He's nearly as bad as Xan's old man, mine just stinks of vodka, rather than stale beer, nice! I'm finding myself missing Fi's Kal_buir _all the more, as well as his brothers.

Aahh! Now I'm sounding like a psychotic person, referring to myself in the third person. Fi's part of me now, and it's up to me to cope with it. I wonder how Xander's coping with Ordo?

"Jesse! Xander's here! Get down here!" My mom is not a morning person. She doesn't drink like dad does, but she can't function without at least a carafe of coffee in her system. By the sounds of her, she's only had two cups so far.

"Coming mom!" I call down the stairs as I start to pull my t-shirt on at the same time as I grab my school-bag. "_Su'cuy, vodika,"_ I say to Xander, hoping that he's retained as much _Mando'a_ as I have, knowing that I can say what I like, and mom won't take any notice.

"_Kandosii, oya!"_ replied Xander with a wicked smirk. "I phoned Willow, we're meeting the girls at the library before class. Gotta see Giles."

"I wonder how Buffy's coping with her bout of helplessness and hysteria from last night," I said with a snicker as we left the house.

_General_

The world tilted slighted on its axis when Xander and Jesse entered Sunnydale High. The beautiful people didn't know what to think, or how to act when they saw them. From a distance, nothing looked like it had changed, until you got closer, and saw the fact that both Jesse and Xander were constantly carrying out a threat assessment, and the look in their eyes was definitely not one that was normally seen in the eyes of a 17 year old school boy.

"Hey, G-Man, how ya doin'?" snarked Xander as he and Jesse pushed their way into the library. "Buff, still seeing demons in cars, or was that the cars themselves?" At that Jesse nearly collapsed with laughter. "Wills, loved your look last night, but the translucent thing didn't do anything for you, ya know. Whats it like to walk through walls?" Xander asked with genuine curiosity at that point. "Hey, Dawn-Patrol, good to see ya, Queen C, to what do we owe the pleasure of your company this early in the morning?"

Buffy nearly snarled with anger at Xander. "It's OK for you two. You didn't become a simpering idiot for the night, and nearly get killed.."

"_Udesii_ Buffy. What we became was soldiers. And we're having our own problems dealing with it," said Jesse. "And we did save your _shebs,_ so a little bit of gratitude to us, your sister and Cordelia might not go amiss, that and a little less attitude."

"Or we'll put you on your _shebs. _And you became a simpering idiot because you had to impress Angel with how pretty you could look in clothes from his time period, which granted you did look pretty, but its still your own fault. And how are our generals this fine morning?" asked Xander, with flawless manners, turning to Cordelia and Dawn, putting Buffy out of his mind for the moment.

Dawn and Cordelia looked at one another. They hadn't yet been asked this. Everyone had been asking Buffy, ie. Willow and Giles, how she was coping. They had forgotten that both girls had also been possessed the previous night as well.

"I can't speak for Dawn, but Aayla Secura is still with me. I have her memories of training in the jedi order, to fighting in the Clone Wars, and dying at the end of said war," replied Cordelia, "and I can also still feel the Force." At that, Dawn started to nod in agreement.

"Same here. But I was possessed by Barriss Offee, who was a jedi healer," said Dawn with a careless shrug. "Which, who knows, it may yet turn out to be a useful skill, especially around this place."

"Great, so everyone gets a cool possession but me," huffs Buffy.

"I turned into a ghost, Buffy. Thats not exactly high up there in the cool factor," put in Willow, trying to cheer Buffy up.

"Yeah, but you managed to get to Giles before it was too late," said Xander. "Class beckons us on today. And Giles, no attempting to extract any of these memories from our minds. It could damage us very badly."

From the guilty look on Giles' face at that comment, it looked like that was going to be his next research project. Jesse just stood up to back up Xander's words at that point, with Dawn and Cordelia looking on. At that point the bell rang, and they had to leave for class.

_buir_ (boo-EER) _Mando'a_: father

_kandosii_ (kahn-DOH-see)_ Mando'a_: nice one, wicked, well done, classy, noble

_oya_ (OY-ah) _Mando'a_: let's go hunting, let's roll

_shebs_ (shebs, s.); _shebse_ (SHEB-say, pl.) _Mando'a_: backside, rear

_su'cuy_ (soo-KOO-ee) _Mando'a_: hi

_udesii_ (00-DAY-see) _Mando'a_: calm down, take it easy

(Glossary taken from Karen Traviss' book Star Wars Republic Commando Triple Zero)


	3. Aftermath 2

**Aftermath 2**

Disclaimers in previous chapters. Nothing mine. Still driving.

_Dawn's POV_

I don't know where Buffy gets off sometimes. She went dressed as a noblewoman on Hallowe'en **specifically** to impress Angel, and then whines when it back fires on her. I love my sister, but sometimes she does try your patience. I could see Giles getting ready to take her side in this whole fiasco, but Xander's right, we could end up as vegetables if he tries to take out the memories. He and Jesse seem so different. Like they've been soldiers their entire lives, **and** they're speaking another language. I wonder what it is. I don't recognise it, so its not dead or demonic, or anything that Barriss knew either. I'll ask them, and Xander for a date for that matter. I wonder how Cordy's doing. She's awfully quiet, and that's not like her. She keeps looking at at Jesse at lot too. I wonder why? We need to get a handle on this Jedi stuff too, maybe meet up at lunchtime away from the others and talk it through.

_Cordelia's POV_

It's not just us, I know its not. I saw another Mandalorian last night, but he wasn't a clone, but there was also another clone out there. We need to find them. I don't know if this has penetrated the braincells of Buffy under all of the bleach, or if the bleach has eroded her thought processes, but they might not know how the Hellmouth works, and if we don't know who they are, it could cause havoc. I have to admit to myself though, Jesse looks good with self confidence. These memories have obviously been good for him in that respect. Oh God! What **has** this jedi done to me?

Before I knew where I stood, everything's upside down. I know about the Hellmouth, I CAN'T not help out now Aayla wouldn't have it any other way, and I can still feel her inside me. My love of fashion hasn't been diminished, but being popular means nothing to me now. It mustn't if I'm looking at Jesse McNally and admitting to myself that he looks good with self confidence. Willow's not going to accept this, or the way that Dawn's looking at Xander at the moment. It's got all the makings of a disaster, or a Greek tragedy.

_Willow's POV_

Poor Buffy. I remember how helpless I felt, it must be even worse for her **because** she's the Slayer. To think a cars a demon, not to mention Jesse and Xander, and to be saved by your little sister. And Spike, we can't forget Spike. And Cordelia becoming a warrior, thats wrong. Another thing thats wrong is the way I've seen her looking at Jesse. She publically humiliates him for years, and now she starts looking at him like she's interested in him. Its not right. I would've thought he'd've had enough of bloodsucking bitches after his close call with Darla just before the Harvest, but no, he still keeps following her about. And Xander's mine, not Dawn's. And Oh my God! I'm turning into Cordelia!

_Buffy's POV_

Everyone seems so different from last night, it's like they're all bonded over shared experiences that Willow and I can't possibly understand. And Giles has sided with them! Its so not fair! He's **my** Watcher, he should be on my side, not theirs. At least Angel still seems to be on my side, I wonder what he'll make of the new versions of Xander and Jesse. I'm not sure I like it. I can't browbeat these new versions. They're more – intimidating, I think is the correct word. It should be interesting to see how Larry interacts with Xander now. Can't wait for the fireworks.

_Giles' POV_

My boys are so different now, and Cordelia and Dawn defy description. Theres a calmness about the two, especially Dawn, that wasn't there before. It seems to have left a positive affect on all four of them, for all that it was a blasted Chaos spell. Damn Ethan. When I get my hands on him, I'll definitely go all Ripper again. I wonder what the bad side is, and I know there's got to be one. There always is. And Buffy's sulking isn't helping at all. In retrospect, I'm glad Xander backed me down over the memory spell, I think it would kill a part of me if it went wrong. Now I've just got to to hide the results of last night from that pillock, Travers.

_General POV_

The Scooby gang went about the rest of their school day as if nothing major had happened to them, although several teachers were rather disconcerted when Xander and Jesse actually stared paying attention in class, and Cordelia's cronies were thinking that maybe she was sick because she wasn't being her usual cutting self. But the biggest shock for Xander and Jesse came in the form of Larry.

"Harris, McNally, did something strange happen to you last night?" Larry asked Jesse and Xander, looking as if he was struggling with himself. Jesse and Xander just looked at one another.

"Strange in what way?" asked Xander, "in case you hadn't noticed, Sunnydale isn't like other towns."

Whilst all this was going on, Cordelia was watching Larry, and had seen in him the duality that she was seeing in Dawn, Jesse, Xander and herself, and to a certain extent, Buffy and Willow too.

'I wonder what Larry went as last night?' thought Cordelia to herself, as she walked over to them. "Larry, what did you dress up as last night?" she asked as she stood next to Jesse.

"Er, Boba Fett," said Larry, looking startled at this line of conversation.

"OK," said Cordelia, "next question, where did you get your costume? Was it a shop called Ethan's by any chance?"

Larry just nodded at that question, so then Cordelia asked with a rather sly look on her face, "got any interesting memories, or, artifacts from last?"

Larry's bearing abruptly changed to a more military bearing as he again nodded.

"_Kandosii,"_said Jesse, with a shit eating grin.

"Come, _ner vod,_ we have much to talk about," said Xander, looking much the same. "After you General," he said to Cordelia. And the four of them left for the library, much to the surprise of nearly everyone present.

_Larry's POV_

It was certainly an eyeopener, going to the library with Cordelia, Xander and Jesse. I learnt what's really going. Man, can that English dude use long words. Xander had to translate a lot of it for me out of stuffy. And there was some quality entertainment too. Little Dawn Summers asked Xander for a date, the look on his face, Jesse nearly busted a gut he was laughing so hard. Then Cordelia decided to shut **him** up by planting one on him, and I mean planting one on him. Then **I** nearly busted a gut. Mr Giles nearly cleaned his glasses out of existence at that point. But, as fun as its been, I've got the feeling that its gonna get really dangerous as well, and very quickly.

I just hope us Mando boys are up to it.


	4. Liar Liar

**Liar Liar**

Own nothing, still driving, and totally skint. Spoiler's from Season 2 episode 'Lie to Me'.

The next few weeks passed by quietly enough. Xander, Jesse and Larry quickly established a routine where they would practice the combat memories that Ordo, Fi and Boba had left them, in addition to a general fitness regime before class began, as Larry has football obligations. Dawn and Cordelia had made great strides in their control of the Force, and life continues as usual at Sunnyhell High.

Buffy and Willow were beginning to accept the changes that had happened to Jesse and Xander, and Mrs Summers was overjoyed at this new, more mature version of her younger daughter, but because they hadn't told her that they were living on the Hellmouth, they couldn't tell her exactly how it came about.

About the time that full acceptance occurred for Buffy of the new versions of her male friends, an old friend of Buffy's moved into Sunnydale in the form of Billy Fordham. Ford had gone to Hemery High with Buffy before she was Called, and Buffy believed that he knew nothing about vampires, and refused to listen to Dawn when she attempted to warn her that he had entered into an agreement with Spike.

"But Dawn, why would he want to kill me? I went to school with him at Hemery, he doesn't even know that I'm the Slayer," protested Buffy.

"I don't know," admitted Dawn, "and you won't let Xan scare him, or Jesse, and I'm quoting Jesse here, 'give him a good slap'. Cordy doesn't like it either, neither of us likes how he feels, like he's hiding something."

At this, Buffy looked sharply at Dawn, "OK, I'll be careful."

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

Later that night, Willow phoned Xander with the results of the hacking assignment that he'd given her regarding Ford.

"He's sick, I'm talking dying sick here, not stalking sick, Xan," babbled Willow, "although, he could be taken that way too. Hold on Xan." Xander could then hear voices murmuring in the background. "OK, Angel says that there's a club where the vamp wannabes hangout. We're gonna need to check it out."

"Cordy's out. Ms Fashion Queen would rip the shit out of 'em-"

"Don't swear Xander," interrupted Willow.

"Yes Willow. Me and Jesse would scare 'em. Larry would stick out too much, in addition to scaring 'em, Dawn, too much like Cordy in the fashion stakes, so she's out too. But Kit would blend in considering that she's a Goth, even with the Alderaanian influence, and Carlos, maybe. Me and Jesse as outside backup in case anyone needs a good slap-"

"And Angel inside, with Kit and Carlos," put in Willow.

"Not Deadboy," whined Xander, almost sounding like he used to before Halloween, which made Willow smile.

"But it might make Buffy accept all of this matter a bit easier," reasoned Willow.

"OK, fine. I'll get the others," said Xander. "You bring Deadboy. I know he's with you. See ya later."

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

"So Kit went along with this idea of yours and Willow's then?" asked Jesse, as he and Xander scouted out the area surrounding the wannabes club.

"Yeah, it helped that Carlos thought that the plan was just about crazy enough to work," replied Xander with a grin. "Well, well, well. Lookee here. Looks like Dawn and Cordy were right. It is a trap. What do you think we should use to deal with it? Blasters or crossbows?"

"Well, blasters are great for destruction, and when we want our presence to be known," replied Jesse. "But crossbows are silent, and thats what we need at the moment. Take the vamps out silently, and spoil Ford's night in the process," Jesse added with a slightly malicious grin.

"_Kandosii,"_ said Xander as he unslung the crossbow that he was carrying, and armed it. "Sounds like the girls have found a party too," he added, as he heard the distinctive hum of a lightsabre or two as he took aim. 30 seconds later, it was all over outside, they were just waiting to hear from the inside team.

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

"I'm dying Buffy, don't you see, I don't have a choice!" said Ford.

"You have a choice, not a good choice-" started Buffy.

"And this _Chakaar_ made the wrong one," stated Xander, as he and Jesse kicked the doors down, followed by Larry.

"And you say Corellian's lack subtlety, Princess," whispered Carlos to Kit. "These Mando boys got me beat hands down."

"Xander, Jesse, Larry. What's going on?" asked Buffy, trying not to be surprised by any of this. "Where's my sister and Cordy?"

"Outside, somewhere," replied Jesse, waving vaguely with the hand that wasn't holding the crossbow. "We lost Spike by the way. Dusted a shit load of others though-"

"Don't swear Jesse," said Willow automatically. Jesse just rolled his eyes as Xander smirked at Larry.

"Even now she mother's them," said Cordelia, as she sauntered in with Dawn. "Two of the three most dangerous men in Sunnydale, and she's scolding them like they're naughty little boys."

Dawn just giggled at that, and then sighed in resignation when it became clear, to her at least, what Xander was about to do.

Buffy just looked on in shock as Xander walked up to Ford, and head butted the boy, flooring him in one move. Then he crouched down to talk to him, looking all the more scary for being so reasonable. "You ever threaten a member of my family again, and you'll die sooner rather than later, understand?"

Ford just swallowed rather loudly and nodded rapidly as Jesse smirked and said to Larry, "I wondered whether or not Xander would get this part of Ordo's personality. Welcome to the Bonker's Squad, _vodika."_

Larry just shrugged, seemed rather reasonable to him. Protecting the Clan and all, as Xander knocked Ford out.

"So, we done here?" Xander asked Buffy and Kit.

"I think so, unless this lot still wanna become dinner for a bunch of reanimated corpses," added Kit sarcastically.

"But they're not like that!" one brave, but deluded girl stated.

Jesse and Larry stared at her, and looked at one another and just started to laugh at that remark.

"Laughing boy here made a deal to be turned, but you guys were just gonna be dinner," said Angel as he pointed at the unconscious Ford. Then he vamped out, making several of the club goers scream.

"That's what you wanted. Still want it now?" asked Kit quietly.

"No," whimpered one girl.

"The reality isn't what you thought it would be. And if you do go through with it, we'll be waiting to put you out of your misery," said Jesse, hefting his crossbow up. "Some of us have been bitten, and it hurts. A lot. Life ain't like an Anne Rice novel. Coming babe?" he said Cordelia.

"Yeah, I think I am," Cordelia replied looking over the assembled wannabes. "I think our work here is done."

Buffy just looked sadly at Ford, still not quite able to believe he'd betrayed her like that, until Dawn gently pulled her away. "Theres nothing we can do for him, Buffy. Unless he pushes Xander. Then he'll at least have a quick death. But I don't think he's that brave. Do you?" asked Dawn.

"No," whispered Buffy, fighting back tears as it began to sink in as she allowed Dawn to lead her from the club.

It was a rather subdued Scooby gang that left that night.

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

Two hours later, Buffy sat crying her eyes out on Giles' sofa after pouring out the whole sorry tale to him.

"What do you want me to say Buffy? Xander and Jesse did what they thought was right," Giles said wearily.

"Tell me everything will be fine in the morning," Buffy whispered.

"The sun always comes up in the morning, the world is a fair and just place, the good guys always win, and we all live happily ever after," Giles said to Buffy.

"Liar she said, giving him a watery smile for attempting to cheer her up.


	5. Teddy's Girls Part 1 Recce for a Tinnie

Ok, I've split this chapter in two. It just got out of my control and needed, in my opinion, to be split into two. Hoping to have the second half updated if not in the same day, maybe the next day or so.

Chapter 5

Teddy's Girl's - Part 1 Recce for a Tinnie

"Dawn!" shouted Buffy as she burst into 1630 Revello Drive, "Dawn, where are you?" as she ran upstairs and burst into Dawn's bedroom, breaking the doors lock in the process.

"I'm here," said Dawn, cracking an eye open open, her meditation disturbed at this point. "What's the problem that you had to break down my poor door?"

"The problem? The problem is that mom's dating again!" screeched Buffy.

"And?" replied Dawn as she put her light-sabre away. "She's single, still relatively young. And we're both dating. Where's the harm in it?"

"But it's Mom. And, and, eew!" Buffy pulled a disgusted face at that, and Dawn couldn't help but laugh at the look on her sister's face.

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

As Buffy was having her meltdown in Dawn's bedroom, Xander and Jesse sat in Jesse's bedroom pondering another problem. Namely the procurement of further supplies.

"We haven't got a quartermaster, Xan," said Jesse. "We need someone like Barden Jusik. He was able to get us anything, remember?"

"I remember Bar'dika," Xander said laughing. "He was more Mando than _jetii_ by the time he resigned, wasn't he?"

"Yeah, and he worshipped _Kal'buir_," sniggered Jesse. "Good man."

"I know we've got another brother out there somewhere," Xander said, and Jesse nodded in agreement, they'd both seen the EOD specialist Halloween night, but in the Chaos, had lost him before the spell ended. So they had no idea who he was. But Willow was on the computer the other night, checking about the statistics from Halloween night. She said something about light-sabre burns from the other side of town."

"But Cordy and Dawn were with us all night, said Jesse, "so that means -"

"That there's another _jetii_ on the Hellmouth," interrupted Xander, "I hope it's Bar'dika," he added as he helped himself to Jesse's stash of Twinkie's.

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

Not long after this, Joyce Summers, mother of the current Slayer, and one of the Hellmouth Jedi, insisted that both of daughters stay in for dinner and a family chat. It was during this that Joyce broached the subject of Ted Buchanan to her daughters. The end result was a day out planned to go to mini-golf with their friends.

(Later)

"Mom's started dating again, Xan," Dawn said to Xander as they walked to the school library.

Xander raised his eyebrows at that one. "Bet Buffy loves that one."

"She had a near nuclear meltdown when she heard, and she broke my door again," Dawn sniggered. "Anyway, we're going mini-golf tomorrow, and everyone invited, including Jesse, Cordy and Willow. Larry too if he wants to come," Dawn added.

"Cool, mini-golf," crowed Xander, just before two vampires jumped out on them.

"Ooh, look, it's the Slayer's little sister," sneered one of the vamps, "and another appetiser."

Xander just sighed and looked at Dawn. "Newbies?"

Dawn smiled at him and nodded, then Xander exploded forward and staked one in one movement, as Dawn spun around and ignited her light-sabre and decapitated the other one in one smooth movement.

"A nice bit of exercise to start the evening off right," grinned Xander as he admired Dawn's battle stance, and Dawn too for that matter.

"And what better way to get your exercise, than to combine it with a light spot of violence," giggled Dawn, as she closed her light-sabre down.

"Exactly," beamed Xander as he put his arm around her waist.

The rest of the walk to the school was uneventful, although they did run into Larry dusting his own vamps when they hit the high school.

Do they have a cookie cutter or something for these guys?" Larry asked as he shook vamp dust out of his hair and clothes.

"Something like that, at least with the minions," Said Dawn carelessly. "Dunno about the Childe's though. We could always ask Angel -"

"No, just – no," said Larry, extending both hands to stop the flow of information coming from Dawn's mouth. "I have enough nightmare's about being eaten alive by the Sarlacc on Tattoinne, without adding to it, the eating and/or sexual habits of Buffy's over-gelled boyfriend!"

At this comment about Angel, Xander nearly collapsed with laughter, but Dawn concentrated on the previous comment.

"Do all of you have problems sleeping then?" she asked.

Xander shrugged, still sniggering slightly, "dunno about Jesse, but sometimes, yeah, I have nightmare's. And seeing and dealing with Hellmouth, we get new ones on top of it. C'mon Dawn, we all probably qualify for post traumatic stress disorder now. If we go go to a shrink, you can say 'hello padded cell' faster than you can say _'undessi'_."

"Mom and Dad actually did that to Buffy when she told them about being the Slayer," Dawn said quietly, as they walked into the school.

Larry and Xander just looked at her, unable to believe what they were hearing.

"Man, that sucks," muttered Larry harshly.

"Shh, we're here, I never told you that," hissed Dawn.

"What?" asked Xander looking innocent.

"Good," she said.

When they entered the library, they were greeted by the familiar sight of Buffy in nearly tantrum. She was still going on about Joyce starting to date, and it was getting on Cordelia's nerves.

"Enough already. Dawn, please let your mom know that Jesse and I will gladly come tomorrow, just so she hasn't got to listen to Buffy whining all day long," and she shot Buffy a withering look of contempt.

Kit started to giggle from where she was sitting in Carlos' lap. "Want backup tomorrow, Dawn?"

Dawn shot her friend a grateful look, "please. I get the feeling that Buffy's going to be a trial," she whispered to her as she sat down.

For the next 15 minutes, the group argued back and forth about the pros and cons about Joyce dating. But at the end of the day, there wasn't much that Buffy could do about it. Most of the gang were gonna be there to stop Buffy from being a prat. It was also pointed out that Buffy was the child, not the parent, and could pretty much do whatever she wanted. A point that didn't go down very well with the Slayer.

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

The next day started off well, at least as far as Xander, Jesse and Carlos were concerned. Ted made cookies, and Xander and Jesse still worshipped all things made of sugar, and Carlos wasn't much better. Cordy and Dawn were a little suspicious though. Both Xander and Jesse were acting a little too nice, and although they did put on their goof-ball act around Joyce, this was taking it a little bit too far, until they had some of the cookies for themselves.

"Xander, I don't feel too well," Dawn pouted at Xander to get him to take her home, she also used the puppy-dog eyes that she'd learnt off of him and Willow, much to Ted's disgust.

"No daughter of mine will use such disgusting -" he started to say.

"Just as well she's not your daughter then," said Buffy hotly, interrupting him.

"Buffy!" Joyce said, sounding annoyed. "Xander, could you take Dawn home for me please, love?"

"Sure, Mrs. Summers, ready?" he said to Dawn, who was using the Force to look sick. Xander grabbed some more cookies as he left. Once they'd left the park, Dawn confiscated them, and used the Force the purge them, and the drugs that were in them, out of Xander.

"That _chakaar_, I'm gonna kill him," hissed Xander, once he finished vomiting.

"No, you're gonna calm down. He's with my mom, and God only knows what he's done to her, or what he's telling her," Dawn said to him. "First order of business is to make sure that Carlos and Kit are purged of this, as well as Willow. Cordy will sort out Jesse, and we'll make Buffy aware as well. She seems to be affected differently for some reason. Willow can also run some tests on these cookies."

"They were good cookies as well," Xander said looking at them in anger.

"Ok, let's go then," and dawn set off to the library.

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

A few hours later, the rest of the Scooby gang trooped into the library, led by a rather sickly looking Jesse.

"Looks like you had a _jetii_ version of a stomach pump too, _vod'ika_," Xander said to Jesse.

"That's one way of putting it, Xan'ika. I feel like _osik_. What was that for?" he said indignantly to Cordy as she slapped him round the head.

"I don't quite understand exactly what you said, but it sounded rude. And you two stop sniggering," she said archly to Kit and Carlos, who also looked very pale and sickly, as did Willow.

"Buffy, how do you feel?" Dawn asked her sister.

"Ok, I wasn't affected like everyone else seemed to have been, but what about mom? She's still with him," Buffy was getting more and more upset by this time.

"He seems to like her, I don't think he'll hurt her. But he's not human," Cordy said, and at this point she looked at Jesse and Xander carefully. "He's a robot."

"A tinnie, we've got a tinnie on our hands?" Jesse said, perking up a bit.

"_Kandosii._ G-man, we need to phone Larry, he's the stake out specialist," Xander said, looking almost psychotically happy now.

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

They met again at the library the next day after class, this time, Larry blew off football practice, knowing that the information that he had was much more important.

"_Su'cuy vod'ika,"_ Jesse said as Larry walked in. "Any problems last night?"

"Not really, few vampires. This 'Ted' is definitely a 'tinnie' as you guys call him. Got himself a setup straight out of the 1950's. Way creepy," Larry said as he walked up to the table and straddled a chair. "Saw him plugged into the mains and everything. Here's what else I found," and Larry dug into his school bag, and passed around some papers.

Xander's face went like thunder when he saw. "I called him a _chakaar_, but _hut'uun_ also applies. _Vor'e vod'ika_, Jesse! _Oya!" _Xander shouted towards the back of the library.

"_Oya? _What we hunting Xan'ika? Tinnies?" asked Jesse coming out of the stacks with Cordy, looking a bit flustered.

"Yep, the one that poisoned us," replied Xander with a shark like grin.

"_Kandosii,"_ smirked Jesse wickedly.

"Well, you might like this then," said Larry, reaching bag into his bag. "I remembered the specs a few weeks back, and I've been working with Carlos on it for just such an occasion." And he tossed a gun over to Xander.

"What is it, _ner vod?"_ asked Xander as he looked it over.

"It's an ion blaster, it disrupts all electrical systems, sooo," drawled Larry.

"Hit the _chakaar_ with it, dismantle him, hook him up to an interface, and find out exactly what his crimes are," grinned Jesse.

"Exactly, ready?" asked Larry standing up.

"Nearly, just one more order of business, this," and Xander threw Willow's data from Halloween over to Larry. As he read it, he realised something.

"That was Jonothan Levinson's area that night," he said. "He dressed up as a Jedi, but I don't know who. He does some after school club, Cordelia might know. She's the Queen of the school after all."

"Cordy, Jonothan Levinson, what after school activities does he do?" Jesse asked his girlfriend.

"Er, science club and maths club, I think," she said. "Willow will know for definite about the science bit, she's down there now. If you or Xander go, it won't look so strange, why?"

Jesse grinned, "we think he's our third _jetii_ from Halloween," as Xander headed off towards the science department.

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

In the science department Jonothan was staring into space, bored out of his skull when the fire alarm went off. The substitute teacher overseeing the science club told them to evacuate, so they all left in a fairly orderly fashion. As Willow and Jonothan left fairly close to the end, Xander grabbed them, _"Undessi,_Willow, Jono, we just need a quiet word in the library," he said quietly.

"Lead on, _ner vod,"_ Jonothan replied quietly.

"Not another one," Willow groaned.

"Not quite," Jonothan said.

"Bard'ika?" Xander asked, at Jonothan's nod, Xander beamed as he said _"kandossi" _and engulfed the smaller boy in a hug. "We've got something we need you to look at. Larry and Carlos made it," he said grinning as he led the way back to the library. "But we need the technical touch."

When they reached the library, Xander said to Jesse, "look who I found, Bard'ika!"

Jesse stood up, and like Xander, engulfed Jonothan in a hug. "Welcome to the Hellmouth, _vod'ika!"_

"Is that how it happened?" Jonothan asked as he stepped backed from the hug.

"Yeah, cursed costumes from Ethan's," Dawn said from where she was examining the ion blaster. "So, you dressed up as who exactly?"

"Barden Jusik," Jonothan said, "he left the Jedi order after becoming too _Mando'ade_ for General Zey -"

Dawn started to laugh at that, "well, you don't have to worry about that, you'll fit in OK around here. Jesse became Fi, Xander became Ordo, Larry Boba Fett. I was Barriss Offee, Cordelia was Aala Secura. My friends Kit and Carlos became Leia Organa Han Solo." Jonothan was struggling not to laugh at this point. "Yeah, I know," grinned Dawn. "Point is, we all kept stuff, and Buffy and Willow didn't. Buffy because she's the Slayer, but Willow, who knows," shrugged Dawn.

Jonothan looked a little overwhelmed with all of this, so he concentrated on the gun in Dawn's hands. "What's that?" he asked.

"This? Larry says it's an ion blaster, he and Carlos built it. My mom's dating a robot. Jesse and Xander have been calling him a 'tinnie', and yesterday he drugged us all, so it's Operation Can-opener, as Carlos so eloquently puts it. Want a look?" Dawn offered the ion blaster over.

"Please," Jonothan took the pro-offered blaster, and Jesse grinned at Xander.

"Look _vod'ika_, looks like Jono's got Bard'ika's taste for exotic weaponry too," he said gleefully.

"_Kandosii, ner vod,_ got anything else in that bag of tricks we can replicate?" Xander asked Larry hopefully.

Larry grinned, "all the really cool stuffs at home, I won't bring it in to school when we've class because of Herr Snyder."

Jesse perked up when he heard 'cool stuff'. "'Cool stuff', like what exactly?"

"Oh, thermal detonators," Carlos perked up at that point, "you know, the really destructive stuff. Figured we could use it to, I dunno, blow a few nests up, level Spike and Dru's hideout, when I narrow it down from the three places where I think it is" He grinned maliciously at this point. "Or just blow the school up."

"I like the sound of that," muttered Carlos. He'd just spent three days in detention with Snyder for mouthing off.

"Ok, let's get ready," said Xander, gathering up his blasters, and walking over to the weapons cage for an axe.

"Xander, where's Andrew? He dressed up as a trooper at Halloween as well," Jonothan said suddenly.

Xander looked up from his axe then, "who's Andrew?"

"Tucker Wells younger brother," Jonothan replied.

"He's in my class," Dawn said, "blond, sci-fi and comic nerd," then Dawn stopped to think. "Actually, Andrew's been different since Halloween as well."

"Not such an annoying little shit," added Kit when she came back with a crossbow and an additional stake. "He seems, I dunno, quieter?"

"Recon, then approach," ordered Xander. "Ok, everybody got their weapons?" he asked, looking around the room. _"Oya, _people, _Oya!"_


	6. Teddy's Girls Pt 2 Operation Can Opener

Would've been out earlier, but the step-kids are visiting, and the kids come first. End of story. Sorry.

Chapter 6

Teddy's Girls – Part 2 Operation Can-opener

They decided to wait for night to fall fully, then, with Larry and Cordy as point, left the library to take care of their problem tinnie.

At first Jesse was unsure about Cordy going off on her own, but then he remembered that she was more than capable of taking care of herself, so he kept his opinion, and his fears, to himself. This was noted by Cordelia, who appreciated his faith in her.

"There," Larry whispered to Cordelia, "do you see it?" and he pointed towards Ted's basement apartment.

"Yeah, feels, strange. Devoid of life," whispered back Cordelia. She walked up to the apartments door, and took a closer look at the locks on the door. "There's nothing that I can do with this short of my light-sabre. Maybe one of the others," she suggested. At Larry's shrug, she sent a Force suggestion through to Dawn and waited.

A few minutes later, everyone else had arrived. "So, what's the skinny?" Kit asked, looking around for uninvited company of the vampiric kind.

"Several different types of locks, Cordy can't pick them with anything short of her light-sabre," Larry said shortly. "Any of you got any suggestions?"

"Let me see," Carlos said as he slid forward. "Aah, piece of cake," he grinned cockily as he reached for the first one.

"I hater it when he does that," Kit groaned, her memories of Princess Leia surfacing rapidly, and making her shudder.

"Got it!" Carlos grinned, "one down -"

"3 to down," snarled Cordelia. "Don't get complacent, fly-boy."

"Yeah, yeah. Bite me, Cordy," Carlos said as he rapidly picked the second one and prepared to start on the third.

"Perhaps not. But I will," a voice behind them said.

"You just had to say it, didn't you!" hissed Kit as she spun around.

"What now?" groaned Jesse as he straightened, and saw a gang of five vampires gathered around them. _"Kandossi! _A fight!" and leapt towards them with a massive grin, Xander and Larry close behind.

"Hey, hey, leave some for us," hissed Dawn as she scrambled out of the stairwell.

"Too late," sniggered Jesse as he shoved his stake back in his pocket. "Xan's on one again."

"Got it!" cried Carlos in triumph as the last lock gave way to him.

"Way to go, juvie boy," Cordy said as Carlos forced the door open. "Eew, smells like nothings lived here in years!"

"Perhaps not, but what the Hellmouth is that?" Dawn asked, pointing towards what looked like a power-point unit.

Larry scratched his head, then shrugged as he walked towards it, "dunno, reckon we can take it apart, Carlos?"

"Well, sure. Dunno if it'll work again though," the short Latin boy said with a grin as he started towards it.

Everyone dispersed around the room to investigate. "Man, this place is like a museum," Larry muttered in disgust as he found evidence of one Ted's previous wives.

"Ya not wrong," Jesse said as he came up to him and showed him what he'd found.

"Christ, it's nearly the same! Xan, what you got?" Larry shot across the room in alarm.

Xander raised a bleak face as a white faced Dawn started for the door, "Buffy's in trouble. We gotta go. Now!"

"_Osik! Oya!"_ and the entire flat emptied in 5 seconds flat.

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

When the Mando/Jedi hunting party arrived at 1630 Revello Drive, they found a distraught Buffy, a furious Joyce. And what looked like a dead Ted Buchanan at the bottom of the stairs. Just as Xander was about to open his mouth, Jesse slapped his hand over it, and hissed in his ear, "not now, _vod'ika._ Try and show a little tact."

"Mom, what happened?" Dawn asked Joyce, as she looked from her mother to her sister and back again.

"That's what I'm trying to find out. But she just keeps saying that she didn't mean too," Joyce said, now looking sad.

"Buffy, what happened?" Cordelia asked, as she gingerly stepped past the dead looking man.

"He hit me, so I pushed him, but I never meant for this to happen," Buffy hiccuped through her tears.

Carlos leant down near the body, and then jumped back, "aah, he moved!" he yelled.

"Now Carlos," Joyce began, ready to give him a right earful, when Ted sat up.

"My love," he said to Joyce, who promptly fainted.

"Ya gotta have a word with your mom," Xander grinned at Dawn as everyone scattered, Larry having the foresight to grab at the same time.

"Wh-what is he?" gibbered Buffy in shock.

"A tinnie," answered Jesse shortly as he sorted through his pockets for weapons.

"What's a tinnie?" asked Willow wide eyed.

"A robot, remember? We talked about this in the library," Kit said as she pulled a blaster out of her coat pocket.

"Let's try this first," Larry said as he took the ion blaster out.

"_Kandossi!_ If you'd like the honour _vod'ika_," Xander said with a grin as he heard Ted walking towards them.

"Sweet," Larry whispered as he lay down and took aim like a sniper as he powered up the weapon for it's maiden shot. It performed beautifully. As Joyce came around, she was treated to the sight of Ted being surrounded by a nimbus of blue energy as the ion blast blew his circuits and fried his main frame.

"_Kandossi!_ It works like a charm!" cheered Xander as he high fived Jesse. "Nice shot _vod'ika,"_ he said to Larry as he slapped him on the back. "Decapitation anyone? Oops, sorry Mrs. Summers," he said looking a bit sheepish when he noticed that Joyce was now awake.

"Would somebody please tell me what the Hell is going on? And I would like the truth this time, not one of your cock and bull stories, Elizabeth Anne, Dawn Marie," she said, giving them the look that all mothers seem to have.

Both of her daughters wilted a bit at this, so Cordelia stood up and went to deal with Ted as Buffy and Dawn tried to distract their mother with a form of the truth that wouldn't blow their cover too badly. Unfortunately, she saw Cordelia's light-sabre, and freaked big time.

"And what the Hell is that?" she shouted.

"Shit! Busted. Ow! What the hell was that for?" shouted Xander as Joyce slapped him round the head.

"Don't use that language around me young man. What is going on here?" Joyce shouted at him.

"Are you sure you really want to know mom? Once down this rabbit hole, there's no coming out," Dawn said seriously. Joyce merely nodded.

"In that case, come with us to the library. Cordy, Dawn, finish him," Jesse stated, fixing Ted with a look of loathing that looked out of place on his face. And to Joyce's shock, Dawn too, pulled out a light-sabre, and proceeded to join Cordelia in hacking up the android in her hallway.

SW/BTVS/SW/BTVS

20 minutes later, they were all ensconced in the Sunnydale High library. Giles was looking more and more uncomfortable by the minute, and even Jenny Calender was starting to fidget by this time, as Joyce just stared at the two of them as Carlos, Larry, Jesse and Willow got to work on the androids head and Willow's laptop.

"Nearly got it," muttered Jesse as he ignored Carlos' swearing in Spanish beside him. As they continued to work, Joyce continued to stare, until finally she'd had enough.

"So, I've been reasonably patient. What is going on?" Joyce asked, officially at the end of her tether.

"Well," and then Giles started to give the Watchers Council Speech. Buffy and Dawn just stared at him in horror as Xander sat there sniggering.

Then Kit piped up, "er Giles, Mrs. Summers only wanted to know about the light-sabres, not the whole she-bang."

"Oh, bugger!" Giles said as he took his glasses off and walked into his office for his bottle of Scotch. "Very well," he said when he returned, and proceeded to explain what had happened to her. After telling Xander and Kit to bugger of and leave him alone.

It took a while to fully explain, but it was helped with the proof of several weapons that should not exist, and several boys that spoke a language that she's never heard of before. The final nail in the coffin was the sight of her boyfriends head coming back to life, and his memories being rerouted into Willow's laptop, before Carlos and Kit blew the head to Kingdom Come.

"He'd've killed you Mrs. Summers, when you couldn't live up to his perfect idea of a woman," Jesse said softly, moving to intercept her. There was no way he was letting her see what he'd seen.

"Let me see," she said fiercely.

"Trust me, you don't wanna," Xander said, equally softly. "Giles has told you what happened to us at Halloween. Well, all of us live with some pretty scary memories, even Dawn. Buffy gains new ones every night. We don't want that for you, please _buir."_

Joyce relented then and turned to Giles, "got any of that Scotch left?"

Xander turned to Willow, "disconnect that laptop, now."

Willow did so, slightly apprehensive, and Jesse and Larry pulled their blasters at the same time as Xander did, and they all opened fire at the same time.

"Xander! That was my laptop!" she shrieked at him.

"Yeah, I know. But it had HIS personality in it. Here," and Xander handed over a handful of cash much to the surprise of Willow. "Buy yourself a new one tomorrow, ok?"

"What?" Willow said in a daze.

"If you need more money, mug those two," and Xander pointed at Jesse and Larry, who both suddenly had a hunted look on their faces at her sudden predatory look.

"Looks like someone's gonna get robbed," Kit muttered to Dawn, who started to giggle, much to the amusement of Joyce.


End file.
